An Orphan Spirit

orphan

For the last few months, I’ve had a phrase running through my head, “Family secrets create orphan spirits.”  Please understand that what we are born into isn’t always who we are.  It is only the truth and the love of the Jesus that can rectify this.

I believe it’s time for us to come into the fullness of who we were created to be but many of us are held back by the chains of the past.  I’m only going to just touch on this a bit.  There is a much longer explanation than what is given here.  Let me explain this from my perspective.  Growing up, I always felt like I was different from everyone in my family.  I somehow felt like I was always on the outside looking in.  I believe this was amplified by the secrets my family was keeping.  From the age of 7 to 14, I was sexually molested by my stepdad.  Some family members knew and many others to this day do not.  It only stopped because my mom caught him in the act.  Through many circumstances and decisions that were made during this time, it pushed me further to the outside.

We too often we believe the whispers in our ears from the enemy.  I always wrestled with why my real dad never wanted anything to do with me.  I would be beat myself up with the questions of why….  Was it because I was a girl an he wanted a boy?  Was I too ugly for him?  Was I not good enough?  Was I just not wanted?  The unanswered questions went on for decades as I became an overachiever and perfectionist to cover up my orphan spirit.  If I were to do everything right, I would be accepted and loved.  Completely unfounded….  Although I had a praying grandmother, I wasn’t raised in church.  I didn’t know anything about the love of Jesus or how he could transform life and didn’t have a foundation to fight these lies with.

At age 18, I gave my heart to God only to walk away a couple of years later.  At 25, the Holy Spirit was overwhelming drawing me back and I could no longer deny it.  This started a journey of healing and wholeness in my life that has been extremely difficult at times but I would not change a thing!  Fast forward to age 33.  Through the internet and a series of phone calls, I was about to make a call to my real dad.  Nervous, nauseous doesn’t even describe the feelings I has as I was about to dial a number that was to be his cell phone.  Hardly able to breathe, I dialed the number.  It rang twice and I heard this deep Texan voice say hello.  I asked if this was Norman, he replied, “Yeah.”  I said, this is your daughter, Deborah.”  The next words changed my whole life; changed my whole perspective of childhood.  His next words silenced the enemy’s whispers for good rectified my identity.  He said, “Oh my God….I’ve searched for you!”   “I’VE SEARCHED FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!”  Four simple words is all it took.

Even now, 17 years later, these words still bring tears to my eyes.  Knowing that he DID want me was all I needed to hear.  He went on to explain all the things he did in trying to find me.  I remember listening to every word and now realize that how significant this was in my life, that what Jesus did for me was even greater.

If we realize that man is man in all it’s humanity and man will continue to let us down, will continue to hurt, disappoint but the love of the Father only heals and brings wholeness.  The secrets that families keep of who did what, the hurt of a father, the hurt of a mother, whether physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse will continue to create an orphan spirit.  The backstabbing of making you look bad while I look right…  The drama of it all makes my heart hurt.  If we realize that sinners will act like sinners and man will always make mistakes we can squash the secrecy of lies that create the orphan spirit.  “The orphan spirit cannot be cast out; it can only be displaced by love, because perfect love cast out all fear.”  If we realize that we are truly grafted into the family of God, all the family secrets of abuse, neglect and hurt will not compare to the love and acceptance of Jesus.

God is searching for you, His beloved.  When you hear His whisper, when you feel the pulling of the Holy Spirit, return to the one who created you.  He loves you without limitations. He loves you without stipulations.

 

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