New Year’s Blues?

Not only is it the start of a new year BUT a new decade!  A new year comes with many expBLUESectations, goals, dreams and a renewed vigor for the following 12 months.  During the 4th quarter of every year, I begin asking the Lord to give me a word the upcoming year.  I usually have a word to steer me by the first of the new year.

This year is different…  I don’t have a word!  What do I do?  I can’t believe I don’t have a word from the Lord.  Is He not speaking to me?  Have I gone astray?  Am I out of His will and plan?

Then comes a perceived pressure of people asking you, “What’s your word for the year?”  Oh boy….!  However, over this past week, I’ve been having a different perspective.  Perhaps, I won’t have a word for the year.  Well then, that has it’s own pressures.  Is something wrong me?  Am I depressed?  Is there something medically wrong with me?  So I just happened to Google “new year’s blues.”

It’s a real thing ya’ll!

This is how the article opens, “I didn’t make as much money as I said I would.  I didn’t get that promotion or switch jobs.  I’m hopeless.  While some people look forward to New Year’s parties and resolutions, others dread this traditional time to take stock and look back on the past year’s accomplishments – or lack thereof.  If you’re mildly or moderately depressed already – or perhaps suffer from depression in winter — all this taking stock of yourself can make things worse, especially if you tell yourself you never measure up.”

Whoa!  I stopped right there!  I am a Groogler, that’s a Deborah-ism for one who  does Googles searches on many things.  I had to stop myself right there because if I ALLOW it, I will give the internet, well meaning friends with good intentions and television permission to tell me who I am, where I’m at and what my expectancy; my destiny, is going to be.

A long time ago, I had to break a lot of things in my life, rebuild and start over.  So I’m not about to let the internet or any other “good intention” thing to dictate my mindset much less my life.  I will not let them label me and the only way I will label myself as a child of God who has been redeemed, delivered, healed and restored for His glory…period!

Just yesterday, a good intended co-worker asked me what my word was for the new year.  I told her I didn’t have one and that maybe I was just going to be quite and listen this year.  She kind of looked at me a little sideways as I could see her wheels turning.  Then she says very eagerly, “Bishop Bob”,  will not mention names, has launched his 24 hour prophesy line and asked me if I wanted to call it.  Sitting there looking at her, I felt as if time stood still.  Not wanting to be rude or disrespectful to the man of God in her, I simple said no as I ever so slightly shook my head.  The first thought that came to my mind is that, I have the ability to seek  and hear from God.    As I looked at her, this thought came to my mind… have we as the church turned the gift of the Holy Spirit into a “fortune telling” hot line to call on demand?  Why would I call a number not knowing who would answer and have them speak into my life?  That would be foolish.  Sure, there are times, we would love for someone to give us a word from the Lord for encouragement and confirmation but this is not that time…  Be very careful who you allow to speak into your life.

Don’t get me wrong, I have things in my heart that I would like to do and love to see the Lord accomplished.  But maybe, I just need to be open to how the Lord wants to use me and see the plan He has begin to unfold.  You see, I can get very focused.  Like focused…  Like tunnel vision, bull dozer, ground breaking focused that I am going to accomplish certain things and nothing is going to stop me not even my husband.  …Okay, I said it…  But perhaps, just maybe, I don’t need to rush headfirst into a year long study of a word and looking for everything that happens to connect to that word.

My husband and I are in a literal building season of life and maybe that is my thing this year.  I have resolved within myself, that maybe this year, the only word I will have is the whole Word of God.  It’s okay to just be quiet.  It’s okay to watch some things unfold and to watch as God works some things out.  Maybe I’ll be quiet and listen to the winds blow across the pastures and through the trees.  Maybe I’ll watch the birds fly from tree to tree and then to the edge of the pond to drink.  Maybe I’ll plant some trees and plants this year.  Maybe I’ll ride the tractor for hours cutting the pastures and listening the what the still quiet voice is saying to me.  Maybe I’ll sit with a glass of iced tea in hand and watch the sunsets.  Maybe I’ll just be quiet and see God everywhere…Selah.

Don’t feel like you have a theme for the year?  Haven’t established all the books you will read this year?  Don’t have a vision board?  BREATHE…..   It’s going to be okay!  Just be…

An Orphan Spirit


For the last few months, I’ve had a phrase running through my head, “Family secrets create orphan spirits.”  Please understand that what we are born into isn’t always who we are.  It is only the truth and the love of the Jesus that can rectify this.

I believe it’s time for us to come into the fullness of who we were created to be but many of us are held back by the chains of the past.  I’m only going to just touch on this a bit.  There is a much longer explanation than what is given here.  Let me explain this from my perspective.  Growing up, I always felt like I was different from everyone in my family.  I somehow felt like I was always on the outside looking in.  I believe this was amplified by the secrets my family was keeping.  From the age of 7 to 14, I was sexually molested by my stepdad.  Some family members knew and many others to this day do not.  It only stopped because my mom caught him in the act.  Through many circumstances and decisions that were made during this time, it pushed me further to the outside.

We too often we believe the whispers in our ears from the enemy.  I always wrestled with why my real dad never wanted anything to do with me.  I would be beat myself up with the questions of why….  Was it because I was a girl an he wanted a boy?  Was I too ugly for him?  Was I not good enough?  Was I just not wanted?  The unanswered questions went on for decades as I became an overachiever and perfectionist to cover up my orphan spirit.  If I were to do everything right, I would be accepted and loved.  Completely unfounded….  Although I had a praying grandmother, I wasn’t raised in church.  I didn’t know anything about the love of Jesus or how he could transform life and didn’t have a foundation to fight these lies with.

At age 18, I gave my heart to God only to walk away a couple of years later.  At 25, the Holy Spirit was overwhelming drawing me back and I could no longer deny it.  This started a journey of healing and wholeness in my life that has been extremely difficult at times but I would not change a thing!  Fast forward to age 33.  Through the internet and a series of phone calls, I was about to make a call to my real dad.  Nervous, nauseous doesn’t even describe the feelings I has as I was about to dial a number that was to be his cell phone.  Hardly able to breathe, I dialed the number.  It rang twice and I heard this deep Texan voice say hello.  I asked if this was Norman, he replied, “Yeah.”  I said, this is your daughter, Deborah.”  The next words changed my whole life; changed my whole perspective of childhood.  His next words silenced the enemy’s whispers for good rectified my identity.  He said, “Oh my God….I’ve searched for you!”   “I’VE SEARCHED FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!”  Four simple words is all it took.

Even now, 17 years later, these words still bring tears to my eyes.  Knowing that he DID want me was all I needed to hear.  He went on to explain all the things he did in trying to find me.  I remember listening to every word and now realize that how significant this was in my life, that what Jesus did for me was even greater.

If we realize that man is man in all it’s humanity and man will continue to let us down, will continue to hurt, disappoint but the love of the Father only heals and brings wholeness.  The secrets that families keep of who did what, the hurt of a father, the hurt of a mother, whether physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse will continue to create an orphan spirit.  The backstabbing of making you look bad while I look right…  The drama of it all makes my heart hurt.  If we realize that sinners will act like sinners and man will always make mistakes we can squash the secrecy of lies that create the orphan spirit.  “The orphan spirit cannot be cast out; it can only be displaced by love, because perfect love cast out all fear.”  If we realize that we are truly grafted into the family of God, all the family secrets of abuse, neglect and hurt will not compare to the love and acceptance of Jesus.

God is searching for you, His beloved.  When you hear His whisper, when you feel the pulling of the Holy Spirit, return to the one who created you.  He loves you without limitations. He loves you without stipulations.




What does restoration mean to you?  What does it look like to you?  It definitely is a big word and has a far greater impact than we can imagine.  Restoration by its very definition means to renew, revival, or reestablish.  It’s the state or fact of being restored.  A return of  something to a former, original, normal, or unimpaired condition; restitution of something taken away or lost.

Restoration in homes is big trend right now.  So, you have people restoring homes, cars to perhaps an “original condition.”  The problem is that nothing can be restored to its “original condition.”  Because the original condition is a former state of being.  I think we can only restore things; home, cars and furniture, to the knowledge that we have obtained regarding them.  So, since we are not the original creator of them, they will not be restored to their former state or condition.

Stay with me…

In Joel 2:25, God says, “So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, The crawling locust, The consuming locust, And the chewing locust…”  In Jeremiah 30:17 the Lord says, “But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD, ‘because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.”  There are many more scriptures on restoration and restoring others.  But in all of these, when the Lord restores you, when He gives back what was taken, when He renews what the locusts have destroyed, He takes it beyond the original condition.  When He restores your finances, your health, your mind and emotions, it’s all for His glory in that it is restored in abundance!  It is restored beyond what we could think or imagine.  If God restores, it’s to a state of where it is producing fruit.  It is giving back and feeding others.

What is God restoring in your life?  You can bet if He is restoring it, He will require the use of it for His kingdom!  In the New Living Translation, in Luke 12:48 it says, “When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.”

What God is restoring, He will require.  Let us be good stewards of the blessings in order to bless others.

Happy Holiday?

sexual assault

We are heading into the holiday season are you ready for it?  Are you ready for the reality of it? Everyone knows the holidays are a stressful time for families – especially families dealing with domestic violence and sexual assault.

But according to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, calls to the hotline actually drop dramatically on major holidays like Thanksgiving.

“A lot of women will grin and bear it, try to keep the peace so their children don’t have to spend holidays in a shelter,” says Katie Ray-Jones, the president of the hotline.

According to Rita Smith, the executive direction of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, although some victims may “put on a good face” while family or friends are visiting on Thanksgiving or Christmas, that stoicism can’t often last long.

“We see an increase in request for service right after the holidays,” says Smith.

Jennifer Marsh, the vice president of victims services at the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network (RAINN) also told Crimesider that calls to their sexual abuse hotline go down on Thanksgiving and Christmas Day, but go up in the weeks after.

“During the holidays, people are home together more,” says Smith. “In families where there is violence present that means more opportunity for violence.”

For those who decide to stay in – or in some cases return to – abusive homes around Thanksgiving and Christmas, Ray-Jones suggests identifying easy exits from the house and establishing code words with children who can run to neighbors for help if violence becomes a problem.

She also suggests considering what rooms in the house are “safe” to have an argument in.

“A lot of us spend time in the kitchen during the holidays,” says Ray-Jones. “But the kitchen is a very dangerous place to have an argument, with knives, boiling water, and pots and pans within reach.”

Here is where you can get help:

1-800-656-4673 – RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network Hotline)

281-286-2525 – Bay Area Turning Point Hotline

713-473-2801 – The Bridge Over Troubled Waters

Unfailing Hope…


“Yet if you devote your heart to him and stretch out your hands to him, if you put away the sin that is in your hand and allow no evil to dwell in your tent, then, free of fault, you will lift up your face; you will stand firm and without fear. You will surely forget your trouble, recalling it only as waters gone by. Life will be brighter than noonday, and darkness will become like morning. You will be secure, because there is hope; you will look about you and take your rest in safety. You will lie down, with no one to make you afraid, and many will court your favor.” Job 11:13-19

Hope is the wanting…hope is more…hope is expectancy…hope is the future. Hope is taking a different look at the present situation. Looking at our circumstances through the eyes of God, relying on the Word of God and promises set forth for those who choose to embrace it.  In this world, there will always be trouble.  When you have the ability to hope: to hope beyond yourself, then you will have the resolve to face life and the ability to continue to move forward no matter what kind of curve ball life throws.

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation if only from him. (Psalm 62:5)

the night seasons…


There are ugly words in our society that no one wants to hear but we hear them too often. “A child was sexually abused.” The thought brings a repulsiveness that turns your stomach. Much too often the perpetrator is someone who “knows or loves” the child. To the child, it is confusion at its best. Your life it changed on every level and every relationship is not the same after you have been sexually abused. If by the Grace of God, you have never been in that position, you may wonder what a child goes through. How do they deal with such atrocities? Typically, the outcome is not good. Many just stay right there emotionally. They never progress and grow to become full mature adults. They just stay in the darkness of their pain. They just stay in

…the night season…

The bud has only begun to open as the innocence of a child is taken away.

Shattered by the weak will of a man, innocence tries to stand.

Day by day, year by year the sheerer strips away the virgin wool.

Innocence is still fighting.

Acceptance, Trust, Love, Security

Traits found in a good family.

Innocence gives way to trust.

As trust is stripped away, the life begins to decay.

During the midnight hour, comes a deafening silence

As the black night is absorbed into the abyss.

Innocence of life is nowhere to be found.

There is no east. There is no west.

It is only by the grace of God that life can find rest.

The shadow of a tainted man still remains.

Only sounds of pain are heard, moans that grieve evil spirits.

The only comfort found is despair.

The gloom of hellish shadows fills the air.

There is no path, no road, no sign.

The desolator becomes very, very dear in time.

The season has not changed.

The night has not given way to day.

Still, no one is there to lead the way.

As silent prayers cry out, the doorman stands still.

In the position of death, I find my way out.

It is only by death that I find life.

But at this death, there are no mourners,

No one to grieve, no friends to leave behind.

For no one knew that I was dying from the love of a family.

…I was buried alive

…I was the dead among the living.

Known and Read By All Men


2 Corinthians 3:2-3 …. You are our letter, written in our hearts, known and read by all men; being manifested that you are a letter of Christ, cared for by us, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts.

I love this scripture. It says everything plainly enough for “All” to understand. Paul is writing a letter to the church in Corinth. He is letting them know that he, Paul is proud of them and what they are doing. To me this is exactly what we should be doing. Paul was discipled by Jesus and those in Corinth were being discipled by Paul. Are we allowing someone to disciple us? Or, are we going to church on the television and remaining out of touch with the reality of life? Are we discipling someone else? “…written in our hearts, known and read by all men”

Here is what I see…

  1. The “people” were dear to Paul because they were written in his heart.
  2. “Known and read by all men” tells me that they were reaching out. Allowing themselves to mingle amongst the sinners. They were being transparent about where they came from, who they’ve become and where they want to go.
  3. They were the “letter of Christ”. Nothing else is needed if we allow ourselves to truly be open to others. We may get hurt from time to time but if we could just touch one life…make a difference in just one person… The Power of One can be amazing.
  4. The the Holy Spirit is working and changing their lives and the lives of others by changing their hearts. It doesn’t matter how many books or articles you write, if it doesn’t touch the heart…change will not happen. You cannot touch a life if you are not willing to allow your flaws, shortcomings and mistakes to be seen by others. In doing so It makes you real…it makes you identifiable by others; it makes you “known”. It brings the reality of “if they can make it through it, than so can I!”

Living daily in reality, not denial is how we can be a letter known and read by all men….

A letter cannot be read if you don’t open the envelope…open yourself to the saving grace and mercy of Jesus and allow Him to change your heart so others can see the proof of the truth through your life.